(45 x 2) - 21
of 10 votes, 20% like it
|
(on back) I'm only walking this slow to get on your nerves.
of 24 votes, 29% like it
|
1-800-SUPER-FAKE-PHONE-NUMBER
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
|
Big Bird fights like a girl.
of 18 votes, 28% like it
|
By reading this, you are contractually agreeing to be my lawyer.
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
Clarissa didn't explain anything.
of 12 votes, 25% like it
|
|
Contrary to popular belief, I am not a punching bag.
of 12 votes, 17% like it
|
David and Goliath are Facebook friends.
of 7 votes, 29% like it
|
David and Goliath made up. They're Facebook friends now.
of 17 votes, 24% like it
|
|
Don't mess with me. I was a rent-a-cop last Halloween.
of 17 votes, 24% like it
|
Everyone is a little bit gay. Even Clay Aiken.
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
Firemen put out.
of 16 votes, 19% like it
|
|
For some people, panhandling makes cents.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
God must have spent a lot less time on you.
of 1 votes, 0% like it
|
Guns actually do kill people.
of 28 votes, 29% like it
|
|
I am 101% Dalmation.
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
I am a 23.93 year old boy.
of 2 votes, 50% like it
|
I am more confused than you.
of 8 votes, 25% like it
|
|
I am not smarter than a 5th grader.
of 13 votes, 23% like it
|
I AM NOT YELLING. MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS BROKEN.
of 34 votes, 35% like it
|
I am on the internet.
of 15 votes, 20% like it
|
|
I am physically attracted to animals.
of 3 votes, 33% like it
|
I am proof that God uses Photoshop.
of 21 votes, 33% like it
|
I am SO so.
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
|
I bet you wish you could Cntr C Cntr V this text to your shirt.
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
I blame Gary Coleman. For everything.
of 21 votes, 24% like it
|
I blame T9.
of 4 votes, 25% like it
|
|
I daydream.
of 16 votes, 31% like it
|
I don't need med school. I own "Operation."
of 21 votes, 33% like it
|
I drunk text.
of 21 votes, 14% like it
|
|
I eat knuckle sandwiches.
of 26 votes, 27% like it
|
I get my political advice from celebrities.
of 10 votes, 10% like it
|
I get my political advice from Green Day.
of 13 votes, 23% like it
|
|
I get my political advice from musicians.
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
I h8 teenagers.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
|
I have a way with words.
of 15 votes, 27% like it
|
|
I have an idea.
of 17 votes, 29% like it
|
I have probably prank called you before.
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
I just MmBopped all the Hanson brothers.
of 18 votes, 6% like it
|
|
I just prank called the Ghostbusters.
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
I kissed a girl, and I hated it.
of 12 votes, 17% like it
|
I know the difference between "they're," "there,&q
of 3 votes, 33% like it
|
|
I look up to people on stilts.
of 7 votes, 29% like it
|
I murdered my entire family and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
of 19 votes, 11% like it
|
I nominated Oscar the Grouch for an Oscar.
of 20 votes, 35% like it
|
|
I stole this shirt from the internet.
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
I think I'm cute, too.
of 11 votes, 27% like it
|
I thought I cut these sleeves off already.
of 8 votes, 25% like it
|
|
I turn oxygen into carbon dioxide.
of 17 votes, 29% like it
|
I unwillingly lost my virginity to Chris Hansen on live TV.
of 15 votes, 7% like it
|
I was bought when I drunk this.
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
|
I was drunk when I bought this.
of 8 votes, 25% like it
|
I went to Africa, and all I got was AIDS.
of 20 votes, 10% like it
|
I went to third base, and all I got was this shirt.
of 15 votes, 20% like it
|
|
I wish this shirt was a stripper.
of 16 votes, 19% like it
|
I would date me.
of 32 votes, 31% like it
|
I'd like to use one of my life lines.
of 10 votes, 20% like it
|
|
I'd rather be writing t-shirt slogans.
of 17 votes, 29% like it
|
I'm a free agent. I was dropped when I was a baby.
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
I'm a millionaire. I should spend less time playing Monopoly.
of 4 votes, 25% like it
|
|
I'm drawn to sketched magnets.
of 2 votes, 50% like it
|
I'm fat. I'm American.
of 15 votes, 20% like it
|
I'm here for the hot dog eating contest.
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
|
I'm homeless. I only make cents a few times a day.
of 3 votes, 33% like it
|
I'm not a teenager, a mutant, a ninja, or a turtle.
of 25 votes, 28% like it
|
I'm not pregnant. Don't ask.
of 25 votes, 20% like it
|
|
I'm so easy. A caveman could do me.
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
I'm the best thing since Wheel of Fortune.
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
I've been thrown through a glass door by Charles Barkley.
of 14 votes, 7% like it
|
|
If I met a girl named Christmas, I'd merry her.
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
If you hit me hard enough with a bat, candy will come out.
of 21 votes, 33% like it
|
It's not my fault my great grandpa hated black people.
of 12 votes, 17% like it
|
|
Knuckle sandwiches taste terrible.
Trust me.
of 31 votes, 26% like it
|
Life would be more fun if we all got unlimited turbos.
of 17 votes, 29% like it
|
Look closely. My shirt is made out of Legos.
of 17 votes, 24% like it
|
|
Modeling is not my day job.
of 10 votes, 20% like it
|
Money isn't everything. But it helps pay for my cocaine.
of 16 votes, 13% like it
|
Mrs. Hellboy
of 19 votes, 16% like it
|
|
My imaginary friend is (square root(-1)) years old.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
My life is one big LOLercoaster.
of 28 votes, 25% like it
|
My other t-shirt is a helicopter.
of 7 votes, 29% like it
|
|
My other t-shirt is a middle finger.
of 9 votes, 22% like it
|
My other t-shirt is a valossa raptor.
of 32 votes, 9% like it
|
No one understands my jokes.
of 15 votes, 33% like it
|
|
No. I'm not a doctor. But I did stay at a cheap motel last night.
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
Nothing says "I love you" like a tattoo on your forehea
of 8 votes, 25% like it
|
Obama pulls out.
of 17 votes, 12% like it
|
|
OMG, NO. I'D WEAR IT.
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
PMS PMSucks.
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
Puberty gets old.
of 16 votes, 19% like it
|
|
Punch me. I'm Mexican.
of 2 votes, 50% like it
|
Punch me. I'm thirsty.
of 22 votes, 18% like it
|
Quit asking me for money.
of 16 votes, 25% like it
|
|
Quit tickling Elmo. He's an adult now.
of 18 votes, 22% like it
|
Read between the lines. (2 parallel lines above/below text)
of 2 votes, 0% like it
|
Read between the lines. (2 parallel lines above/below text)
of 10 votes, 30% like it
|
|
Sally sells her body by the sea shore.
of 17 votes, 24% like it
|
Save the whales. Support fast food.
of 18 votes, 33% like it
|
See men.
See men swim.
See men drown.
of 4 votes, 25% like it
|
|
Skydivers get high, then get low, get low.
of 12 votes, 17% like it
|
Sorry in advance for drunk texting you.
of 27 votes, 30% like it
|
spacebarsareoverrated
of 33 votes, 18% like it
|
|
Step away from my waffle.
of 17 votes, 35% like it
|
Straitjackets are gay.
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
The Boston Tee Party
of 3 votes, 33% like it
|
|
The Care Bears don't give a **** about you.
of 21 votes, 33% like it
|
The difference between you and me is our age.
of 17 votes, 24% like it
|
There are 24 hours in a day, and I'm drunk. Coincidence?
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
|
This is my letter jacket. (smaller font) I was homeschooled.
of 13 votes, 23% like it
|
This is what I do at work.
of 17 votes, 29% like it
|
This is what I do at work.
of 3 votes, 67% like it
|
|
To me, there is no difference between babies and drunk people.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
|
Trust me. I'm a garbage man.
of 17 votes, 24% like it
|
Uncle Sam wants YOU!...to stop drunk texting him.
of 23 votes, 26% like it
|
|
We can't eat at Applebee's every night. We're not billionaires.
of 17 votes, 29% like it
|
Wednesday is hump day. Too bad I work with animals.
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
Why are people from Russia always in a hurry?
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
|
Would you believe me if I told you I have a Siamese twin?
of 11 votes, 27% like it
|
Yeah, I break dance. Everytime I dance, something breaks.
of 20 votes, 35% like it
|
You are my only friend on the planet.
of 21 votes, 19% like it
|
|
You have to spend money to make money. Printers aren't cheap.
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
You have to spend money to make money. Printers aren't free.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
|
You say I'm a serial killer like it's a bad thing.
of 11 votes, 27% like it
|
|
You say tomato. I say potato.
of 22 votes, 27% like it
|
You say tomato. I say tomato. So we agree?
of 24 votes, 25% like it
|
You want to go get a few drinks at the Klondyke bar?
of 4 votes, 50% like it
|
|
You're right. I'm photoshopped.
of 21 votes, 24% like it
|
Your mom is so nice.
of 19 votes, 16% like it
|
