I've seen in 3D my whole life.
of 47 votes, 19% like it
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Knock knock jokes are the only time I get visitors.
of 46 votes, 30% like it
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It is impolite to not break a leg when told to
of 21 votes, 5% like it
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Food Fight Clean Up Crew
of 16 votes, 6% like it
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THE WORST THING ABOUT BEING A PIRATE IS WIPING WITH YOUR HOOK
of 23 votes, 17% like it
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There's no such thing as time travel. I told you that last week.
of 23 votes, 35% like it
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Wouldn't a needle be hard to find anywhere?
of 19 votes, 32% like it
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I'm pretty violent. I hit puberty.
of 30 votes, 13% like it
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I'm not very violent. I don't even hit puberty.
of 28 votes, 18% like it
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I'm trying to live forever...so far, so good.
of 21 votes, 43% like it
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Is it better to give or receive...while in prison?
of 22 votes, 5% like it
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I like writin run-on sentences like most women I too hate periods
of 18 votes, 6% like it
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I march to the beat of a different drum but my drummer is awesome
of 23 votes, 22% like it
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If you're not getting answers, ask better questions
of 12 votes, 33% like it
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I didn't quit smoking, I quit buying.
of 22 votes, 5% like it
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I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by not paying it!
of 23 votes, 30% like it
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The things that never change always stay the same
of 12 votes, 8% like it
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I drive an eco friendly car...it doesn't have air conditioning.
of 14 votes, 0% like it
|
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Octomom isn't half octopus?
of 16 votes, 13% like it
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Is dirt the poop of the earth?
of 26 votes, 8% like it
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Don't waste tears on spilt milk, cry over dropped ice cream.
of 24 votes, 17% like it
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That's what she said? I didn't hear her say anything.
of 7 votes, 43% like it
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Did you just see me teletransport from over there?
of 18 votes, 11% like it
|
<joke> inside </joke>
of 39 votes, 15% like it
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Two wrongs make a left.
of 39 votes, 18% like it
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Screw MTV, I want my mp3!
of 37 votes, 11% like it
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I'm fresh, never frozen.
of 44 votes, 14% like it
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Get it RIGHT or get LEFT behind.
of 44 votes, 9% like it
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It can't be 5 o'clock somewhere if it's 14 minutes past the hour.
of 45 votes, 11% like it
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Don't let your happenings destroy your happiness.
of 49 votes, 10% like it
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amirite or amirite?
of 49 votes, 2% like it
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Laziness killed the dog.
of 48 votes, 2% like it
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Ideas don't work unless you do.
of 48 votes, 23% like it
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Maury knows who your daddy is.
of 61 votes, 21% like it
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WTF is FTW?
of 53 votes, 9% like it
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I'm tired of my money going towards failed NASA missions.
of 46 votes, 13% like it
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I refuse to become a statistic.
of 52 votes, 13% like it
|
You can retake the class, but you can't retake the party.
of 48 votes, 6% like it
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If Bob Barker retires, I'll retire from life.
of 56 votes, 11% like it
|
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Tell me what you want for Christmas and you can sit on my lap.
of 61 votes, 8% like it
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I'm only two people short of a threesome.
of 58 votes, 21% like it
|
F.I.N.A.L.S. - F*ck, I Never Actually Learned this Sh!t!
of 58 votes, 24% like it
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I love lunch ladies!
of 55 votes, 5% like it
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School lunches suck!
of 55 votes, 5% like it
|
You can't bring Sexy Back without a reciept.
of 55 votes, 15% like it
|
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Yeah, I'm good in bed. I can sleep for days!
of 56 votes, 16% like it
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Why can't I be the sexiest man alive, not someone famous?
of 53 votes, 6% like it
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I used to be an exotic dancer...for the blind.
of 54 votes, 19% like it
|
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Who needs sex? My job screws me everyday!
of 61 votes, 11% like it
|
One Nation, Under Surveillance
of 62 votes, 27% like it
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Just BLOODY Do It!
of 55 votes, 9% like it
|
|
Henry Ford loved Hitler
of 56 votes, 4% like it
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I wish my homework was asexual so it'd do itself.
of 64 votes, 31% like it
|
Everyone believes in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
of 61 votes, 11% like it
|
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If you're happy and you know it, pee your pants.
of 62 votes, 13% like it
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I put the MAN in Romance
of 59 votes, 19% like it
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I was just doing my part to save the rainforest.
of 57 votes, 9% like it
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Can pillows have pillow fights?
of 57 votes, 5% like it
|
College - high school with cigarettes and beer.
of 59 votes, 10% like it
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Clinton fucked an intern; Bush fucked a Nation.
of 61 votes, 30% like it
|
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Well, when I was your age, Pluto was a planet.
of 68 votes, 44% like it
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60% of our population is overweight...here's some bacon
of 64 votes, 13% like it
|
Walk it off, Tubby!
of 63 votes, 6% like it
|
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Holy hell, Batman
of 63 votes, 6% like it
|
Bush is listening to your phone calls; use big words.
of 61 votes, 38% like it
|
Oregon Trail is the only reason I didn't drop out of 3rd grade.
of 57 votes, 28% like it
|
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The shark that got her was an efficient killer.
of 49 votes, 10% like it
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Pluto was my favorite planet.
of 51 votes, 24% like it
|
But can Chuck Norris paint happy trees?
of 49 votes, 12% like it
|
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Escalators can never break; they only become stairs.
of 51 votes, 33% like it
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Are you aware that I am a champion?
of 49 votes, 10% like it
|
I messed with Texas and I'm doing just fine.
of 52 votes, 33% like it
|
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Godzilla is the only Japanese word I know.
of 51 votes, 24% like it
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If you mess with the King's Queens, better watch your Ace, Jack.
of 46 votes, 9% like it
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Talk to the left hand because you ain't right.
of 48 votes, 10% like it
|
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Captain Planet - enough said.
of 47 votes, 9% like it
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I'm here for the free food.
of 46 votes, 22% like it
|
RENEW ORLEANS
of 45 votes, 9% like it
|
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No tricks up these sleeves.
of 44 votes, 14% like it
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Myspace- A place for friends...I mean friend whores.
of 43 votes, 7% like it
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BINGOOOOOOOOO!
of 45 votes, 2% like it
|
|
Would you like a spot of tea?
of 44 votes, 5% like it
|
Wow! Did someone just have a tea party with Debbie Downer?
of 44 votes, 9% like it
|
What's the password?
of 44 votes, 11% like it
|
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Some say beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
of 44 votes, 11% like it
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'Cuz emo is one step below transvestite.
of 44 votes, 16% like it
|
Don't criticize, maximize.
of 43 votes, 7% like it
|
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Don't hate, opinionate.
of 44 votes, 11% like it
|
Saying your mom is just as overrated as the first time I met her.
of 45 votes, 11% like it
|
Nope to Dope
of 44 votes, 5% like it
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.yad etisoppo s'tI
of 46 votes, 33% like it
|
Ninja please.
of 44 votes, 34% like it
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Where did Carmen San Diego really go?
of 44 votes, 20% like it
|
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Personally, I can see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
of 43 votes, 23% like it
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Mmmm. Tastes like Cheerios.
of 43 votes, 9% like it
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Say what you just said backwards and it still won't be funny.
of 43 votes, 14% like it
|
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Pick up lines get you nothing, but a kick to the nuts.
of 44 votes, 11% like it
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911 put me on hold.
of 45 votes, 11% like it
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No, you're cheesy.
of 44 votes, 9% like it
|
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It's uncommon to be out of style.
of 44 votes, 14% like it
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Full time worker, but only half the work is done.
of 44 votes, 9% like it
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Going once, going twice... SOLD!
of 43 votes, 5% like it
|
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I shot Abraham Lincoln
of 42 votes, 12% like it
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Free vaccuum cleaner
of 43 votes, 12% like it
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Rain or Shine
of 43 votes, 14% like it
|
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And to think, Tom was my only friend.
of 44 votes, 25% like it
|
One time ... at the circus ...
of 43 votes, 9% like it
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There's a hole in my bucket
of 43 votes, 14% like it
|
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Milk and Cereal, what an uncommon bond.
of 43 votes, 9% like it
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And there she was ... dead.
of 43 votes, 14% like it
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Care for some free air?
of 42 votes, 12% like it
|
|
Sweetness died with hair scrunchies.
of 42 votes, 10% like it
|
Can you hear me-ow?
of 42 votes, 7% like it
|
Civil Tongue
of 41 votes, 2% like it
|
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Dun nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh.... Spiderman?
of 42 votes, 10% like it
|
You're Rick James? I remember him dying.
of 41 votes, 17% like it
|
Beer is now cheaper than gas. To drink or to drive?
of 41 votes, 15% like it
|
|
Inside voices
of 41 votes, 10% like it
|
What the fraction?
of 41 votes, 15% like it
|
I like to sleep. Forget looking good.
of 41 votes, 15% like it
|
|
3rd Party Candidate
of 41 votes, 12% like it
|
Wow! I need to write that in my MySpace!
of 41 votes, 17% like it
|
You are what you wear...
of 41 votes, 15% like it
|
|
Do you want some cholesterol with that?
of 41 votes, 7% like it
|
You want some gravy with that?
of 41 votes, 12% like it
|
Marco Polo owns Christopher Columbus
of 42 votes, 21% like it
|
|
Nice shoes. Wanna come over?
of 39 votes, 23% like it
|
SEEEVEEEN PEEEEE EMMMMMMMM!
of 39 votes, 10% like it
|
I have "up dog" on my shirt
of 39 votes, 10% like it
|
|
If you wanna be my lover
of 40 votes, 15% like it
|
If my grass was emo, it'd cut itself.
of 43 votes, 33% like it
|
Your parents are anal? Ew.
of 41 votes, 22% like it
|
|
What can you make with your Easy Bake?
of 40 votes, 15% like it
|
I'd rather be over there...
of 40 votes, 15% like it
|
You churn butter?
of 39 votes, 21% like it
|
|
Smear the deer
of 40 votes, 13% like it
|
Kick the can
of 40 votes, 10% like it
|
Everyone's doing it?
of 40 votes, 20% like it
|
|
Stop! It's hammer time.
of 40 votes, 15% like it
|
im saddened scrunchies went out of style
of 39 votes, 8% like it
|
i cant remember when i last wore a watch
of 41 votes, 20% like it
|
|
farewell my friends and enemies
of 38 votes, 8% like it
|
I could make a mime laugh
of 39 votes, 21% like it
|
Lets party like it's NOT 1999
of 39 votes, 10% like it
|
|
Random floating head
of 40 votes, 15% like it
|
That's get-toe
of 40 votes, 10% like it
|
School lunches are really depressing
of 40 votes, 13% like it
|
|
I won a game of solitare
of 40 votes, 13% like it
|
I fell in love with a baked potato
of 41 votes, 10% like it
|
I get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30
of 40 votes, 10% like it
|
|
My job? Sandwich artist.
of 40 votes, 15% like it
|
I just threw up sarcasm
of 40 votes, 18% like it
|
Who eats opossum?
of 41 votes, 15% like it
|
|
I like your braces
of 41 votes, 27% like it
|
Such a pity...
of 40 votes, 10% like it
|
Give me a moment to recover from shock
of 43 votes, 33% like it
|
|
I want to be a confetti maker.
of 41 votes, 22% like it
|
I almost needed my inhaler.
of 42 votes, 24% like it
|
Hello, my fellow comrades
of 40 votes, 13% like it
|
|
I'll send postcards
of 41 votes, 15% like it
|
PMS...because mad cow disease was taken.
of 39 votes, 15% like it
|
I lack confidence. My shirt talks more.
of 41 votes, 29% like it
|
|
I don't have a disease
of 40 votes, 13% like it
|
myspace? Just call it diespace.
of 40 votes, 10% like it
|
My happiness just tripled.
of 42 votes, 19% like it
|
|
Wanna hang out in my backyard?
of 40 votes, 10% like it
|
No children under the age of 12
of 40 votes, 13% like it
|
That's just about the size of Africa
of 40 votes, 10% like it
|
|
Cinnamon gum makes my mouth swell
of 40 votes, 13% like it
|
